No Moar BS

jakemalik: jakemalik: jakemalik: can’t sleep, guess i’ll go eat everything in my fridge SOMEONE...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 22:31:54 -0400

jakemalik:

jakemalik:

jakemalik:

can’t sleep, guess i’ll go eat everything in my fridge

SOMEONE HELP

fuck u anons

I fucking want to stab myself sometimes.

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:57:40 -0400

I feel like I’d be of more use bleeding to death.

4. Illness

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 03:56:00 -0400

In reference to this post: the fourth one is illness.

“There are 4 things that I realized and they are different: God, Love, Money, and Illness. They cannot be same.”

That’s what my dad was trying to tell me. It’s kind of crazy talking to him because he’s a totally different from when I used to talk him. He used to be really authoritative in his voice and just acted like any other man. Now he speaks of “destiny” and “age” and all of this crazy stuff that I didn’t know my dad talked about or thought about. He said that only some information should be revealed at a time. He laughed and told a story about how he beat me in chess because I didn’t know he played.

“Destiny”

When he speaks of destiny, he says that this is his destiny. He believes cancer is his destiny. He says that “we are not born into royalty, we are not born into wealth. It’s not in our blood so it isn’t our destiny.” He believes that some people are destined to be and do things. Personally, I don’t believe it entirely because I have my view of how people can work to certain things but because of my dad, I have a larger understanding of destiny and how it works. For example, if I was born into royalty, would I go through college and get my degree? Would I still be at home on my laptop? I would probably be destined for other things. My dad believes destiny put him on this track and he has accepted it. He says he’s happy with his overall life but it just sucks that he wasn’t destined with more money. That makes me laugh…

“Age”

He believes the body gives in with age and it’s completely natural. He spoke of old news reports that reported people of old age and cancer running rampant when he came to America. My dad believes cancer is pretty common and it helps him accept it. From my point of view, what he says has some truth. When people grow older they do wear out and they die out of old age. My dad believes his body was giving out anyways so it chose to go out by cancer.

It’s kind of scary how accepting my dad is. Before I used to think he was just overcome with depression, that he simply gave up on life. I understand now that this is not the case. He just chose to accept that this is his “destiny” and that “age” has overcome my dad. Although he has accepted it, I have not.

My mom told me not to tell anyone.

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 03:55:47 -0400

Cancer is a crazy subject to talk about. You do not just bring it up with anyone. My girlfriend, Jeng’s family has been dealing with cancer. After I met her, I decided to be sensitive when the subject of cancer came up. When someone has a family member dealing with cancer, illness is a sensitive subject. People make jokes or references about cancer and I used to be more open to them. Now that my father has been diagnosed with cancer I didn’t know what to do. I chose to just keep quiet and deal with it.

I thought about telling my friends or even my girlfriend but I chose not to because I believe there will be a right time. It’s not something you just bring up randomly.

My mom already told her whole house about my dad’s situation. Auntie Yoly, Uncle Mulong, and Mamang know about my dad’s illness. I was angry when I found out she told them. Why would you tell them something so personal? My dad said it didn’t matter though. He had already accepted the fact that they would find out eventually. He lost a lot of weight and the way he behaves had already given it away. Now that so many people know, this information is going to spread…like a cancer so to speak…(I hate these references. I hate that I used one. I hate a lot of things.)

I don’t want to tell anyone. I don’t want them to feel sorry for my dad. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me. I don’t need your sympathy.

I logged into my dad's facebook.

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 21:14:30 -0400

I was just checking if I knew his info.

I think I’m just being really pessimistic for my own good.

Kidney and Bones

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 21:07:58 -0400

Both affect by cancer.

I’m trying to contact him now but it’s hard. The awkward air in our conversations make it hard to communicate. I just want him to know I’m there for him.

I’m going to try calling again.

My dad's been diagnosed.

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 01:48:01 -0400

He was diagnosed yesterday. Stage IV Cancer in his Kidneys.
I honestly don’t know how to deal with it. Of course I’ve cried but…I feel like it hasn’t really hit me yet. I still feel normal. I can still type this blog. I can still hang out with my friends. I can still continue. All of this while my dad lays in bed and mans it out.

“There are 4 things that I realized and they are different: God, Love, Money, …

I can’t remember the last one. This hurts.

Life's been really easy to hate lately.

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 05:57:38 -0400

I hate a lot of things.

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 02:07:23 -0500

I hate life right now.

If that's how you feel...

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 04:45:56 -0500

Let it go then.
Let me go then.

I don't want to read it.

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 05:25:23 -0500

I'll never get my life in order.

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 04:35:44 -0500

Unless I actually get up and do something.

School’s a mess.
Can’t even get a job.
I used to be smart and lazy.

Now I’m just stupid and lazy.

My girlfriend hates me. I feel like the only reason she’s with me is because she pities me. She probably thinks I can’t take care of myself. If she leaves, I’ll probably die in a ditch or kill myself slowly with mind-numbing hobbies.

I’ve always wanted to take care of someone, it’s probably been one of my life goals. My whole life people have been taking care of me.

When am I going to get out there and actually do something productive?

I fucking hate blogging.

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 04:26:37 -0400

Can’t blog without nosy people being nosy.

I feel like shit.

Blogging sucks.

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 16:18:12 -0400

Maybe I’ll blog more here cause it’s anonymous. Blogging on a website where everyone knows you is almost pointless. Can’t vent without being judged.

Fuck

Sun, 26 Jun 2011 05:32:41 -0400

I don’t understand anything anymore

This quote makes me feel useless.

Thu, 26 May 2011 16:00:54 -0400

This quote makes me feel useless.

I so want to post

Thu, 19 May 2011 05:18:42 -0400

But yeah.
Start soon yeah?

asdfasdfsdf

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 05:54:49 -0400

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